found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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