Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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