I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
