Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
