glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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