Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
this will be a night to untag.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
