shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
