this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
