That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
