I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
