This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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