apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
