I wish my penis had an off switch
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sext me about skeletons
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
