She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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