We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
