She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize