Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
