That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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