So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
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