Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we have officially lost it.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
