Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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