I'm jealous of your bromance
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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