Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
