Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
