saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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