I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
