so let's talk penis.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize