I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
