So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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