i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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