Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
