Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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