Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
