i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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