At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
