theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
