My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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