All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
