Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
