we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
