i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
