Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
as a side note pls kill me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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