But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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