Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize