she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
