break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
