I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
