There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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