I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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