we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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