Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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