Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
