I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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