how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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