She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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