R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
