i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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