I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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