The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize