I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
