After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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