Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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