So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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