we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
