Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
