So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
