Got a toothbrush?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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