Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
