I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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