she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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