I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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