she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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