Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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