Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
