so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
