Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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