I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
