i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
