Your dad touched me again.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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