Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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