I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
