dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
