census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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