Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
