I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
