I cut my penus on the lid.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
