I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
