My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
