Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
