I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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