Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
