We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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