Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
