That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
