Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
