Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
