Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
