Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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