Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
