my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Drake has all the answers
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize