what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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